GEORGIA: The headline read, “His chicken has come home to roost.” A pervert was caught on camera having sex with a hen – and was tossed into jail, according to police. Reinaldo Pineda, 69, was charged with bestiality for allegedly having his way with the fowl near Homerville. He was released from jail on bond and rearrested three days later for threatening to shoot a group of people “like dogs,” police say. NUMB SKULL!
UNITED KINGDOM: Chili Powder Defense? A British crook got burned when he tried to rob a store – and ended up with a face covered in chili powder. The masked bandit walked into an A1 Convenience store in Birmingham and demanded cash, according to police and video footage. But instead of handing over money, the clerk tossed a cloud of the eye stinging substance at him. The would-be thief fled empty handed. WHAT A BOZO
UNITED KINGDOM: The headline reads, This abstinence advice truly sucks. A British father is mad that his teenage daughter received a manual explaining alternatives to sex such as hand holding, cuddling, and toe sucking. Carl Lawrence, of Greater Manchester, said his 14-year-old daughter, Emma, was sent home from school with the pamphlet titled, “101 Ways to Show You Love Someone Them Other Than having Sex.” Mr. Lawrence contends that the racy advice promotes fetishes.
VIRGINIA: Total Pane? Police report that a drunken Jesse Adams, 20, allegedly broke a glass window at a Gloucester Ruby Tuesday restaurant in order to steal more liquor. When stopped by an employee, Adams allegedly moved on to stealing cigars at a gas station and then entering a Walmart where he was arrested. Mr. Adams now faces charges of destroying private property and public intoxication
WASHINGTON, D.C. : Lynching A Hate Crime Law? We have come to learn in February 2020, sixty-five years after 14-year-old Emmett Till was lynched in Mississippi, the U.S. House of Representatives has approved legislation designating lynching as a hate crime under federal law. The bill, introduced by Illinois Rep. Bobby Rush and named after Till, comes 120 years after Congress first considered anti-lynching legislation, and then failed to pass it 200 times. The House measure was approved 410 to 4. The Senate unanimously passed identical legislation a year earlier. President Trump is expected to sign the bill, which designates lynching as a federal hate crime punishable by up to life in prison, a fine or both. ITS ABOUT TIME!
WISCONSIN: A Brainy Situation… A recent report reveals that U.S. Border agents recently intercepted a human brain being sent to the U.S. The brain, in a mason jar without documentation or paperwork, was intercepted en route to Wisconsin from Canada in a mail truck. Agents had flagged the shipment labeled “Antique Teaching Specimen” as suspicious. One official said agents get “a lot of interesting things” crossing the border but “I can’t recall a brain, to be honest. BIRDBRAINS, MAYBE?