Photo by Junior REIS on Unsplash
By: Gemma Zanowski
Professional Women look good on paper.
I can’t tell you how many men I’ve dated – successful men in many respects, white collar men, blue collar men, younger men, older men—all of whom are allegedly looking for a “successful, independent woman.”
Only most of them aren’t.
My salary is a threat.
My schedule is a threat.
I’m not nurturing enough.
I have too many opinions about “unfun” topics.
I’m too much.
I’m not enough.
I was at lunch with a friend the other day and she was talking about her son—he’s successful and handsome and in his late 20s. And he’s dating someone she is disappointed with. She hoped he’d find “better.” Only she doesn’t really want him to find better- because “better” means a woman who might whisk him away for her ambitions, not just settle down a few miles away from mom. She said that. She’d prefer her son settle down with someone who isn’t a threat. Who will become tame. So he doesn’t have to sacrifice anything in his vision of success for her vision of success.
My best friend texted me the other day. Her sister is an ARNP. She had a baby. At the baby’s first birthday party, she cleaned up after all the men when the party was done. They stood up from the table, and went to play beer pong. Not one cleared a single dish. Because a career isn’t enough. An advanced degree isn’t enough. Women are still expected to cook and clean and pioneer the domestic sphere.
I’ll be honest—I don’t like cleaning or cooking. I don’t want to do either. But I’ve been faced with the decision to help other professional women cook and clean-in professional settings- or let them do it alone, to speak another point. I always choose to help. But I don’t like that we have to step up to the plate like that.
The “Professional Woman” should not be a dichotomy. But it still is. We are still burdened with archaic societal expectations. And choosing to shed those expectations is burdensome too.