Lots of news these days about evolutions in relationships. To some degree this may be another example of internet clickbait, but we have run into articles about people who have decided to “accept” the fact that their spouse is discretely or indiscreetly involved with others who are not part of the marriage. The newest term is “triamory.” In most instances lawyers hear comments like “I don’t like it. I am appalled by it, but we live a wonderful lifestyle and I can live with it.” Among younger and less affluent couples the comments tend toward, “It was an interesting experiment until I sensed that I became the ‘other’ person in the (bed)room.”
When confronted with these issues, lawyers are often asked “What should I do?” That’s not our role nor should it be. But this much is almost certainly true. If your spouse can show that you knew of and tolerated this kind of conduct, don’t expect the court to be sympathetic.
In the first analysis, recall that we all still live in a no-fault world. Show a court that your spouse dissipated the marital estate supporting a non-marital relationship and you may get some sympathy that puts the dissipated assets (you can prove) as an advance on his share of the distributable assets. But if your spouse can show that you knew or had every reason to know about aberrant behavior and chances are high that you will be seen as a willing participant in his or her misconduct. As noted, the statute says property distribution is non-fault. Alimony awards are supposed to allow consideration of fault, but alimony has never been a favored remedy. People who run to be elected as public officials, including judges, are renowned for living ordinary and modest lifestyles. With some exceptions, they don’t “act crazy” or respond well to people who do. So, if your spouse is behaving in ways that are “off the rails” you probably need to take action and file for divorce. But do not expect that you will accrue any compensation for the pain you suffer for your tolerance.
Need to learn a new term: What is Triamory? | Find Poly