My post yesterday seems to have struck a chord with several readers who wrote to me over the evening. Each email described a daughter’s feeling of being overwhelmed by how to help an aging parent in distress.
These brief accounts, far less dramatic in nature than the stories appearing in The New York Times article about the potential impact of abuse in family histories, reminded me of advice offered by a psychologist with neurology training. She was a specialist in a wide variety of health conditions and clinical disorders that impact care plans. She advised that when cognitive disorders reach a certain level, family members should avoid attempts to “negotiate” with the impaired individual. Instead, she said, focus on grounding the individual in a specific plan of care, reinforcing the plan, and only implementing tweaks that are necessary to make the plan work. What helped me and my family was realizing there are professionals that can help us as the “agent” (power of attorney) or “guardian” (if court-appointed), or even in more informal “helping” relationships.
Or, as one person wrote to me, “aging advocates” may be available in many different forms, including those who offer support, as social workers and therapists, for “the family.”