When I look back on my 40-year career as a trial lawyer and my time as managing partner, certain memories come to me immediately. After one particularly arduous trial victory, my client turned to me speechless except for the tears welling in his eyes. On another occasion after an appellate argument, an associate and I exploded into laughter when we realized I inadvertently wore a brown loafer on one foot and a black lace up shoe on the other. I also remember the concern in the eyes of our staff when the pandemic shut down the courts, which could have been a death knell for a contingency trial practice. I also remember the comforting touch of my wife during the stress of those sleepless nights. At the time, I viewed these moments as isolated memories—nice, human interludes in an otherwise demanding career. Only later did I recognize that they shared a common thread. Each reflected how meaningful relationships bolster a career. It never occurred to me that relationships are a core driver of professional satisfaction.
For 20 years, lawyers, sociologists, and psychologists have wrestled with melancholy in our profession. By now most lawyers know the dismal statistics about the prevalence of substance use and other mental health issues in our profession. A 2017 study conducted by the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation and the American Bar Association found that lawyers had substantially higher rates of drinking, depression, and anxiety symptoms than doctors and other highly educated workforce. [1]
After 35 years of practice, I decided to pursue coaching certification. My thesis? What makes lawyers happy? I made a surprising discovery—relationships are an underappreciated and undervalued source of motivation and wellness in our profession.
By now several empirical studies have examined lawyers and law students and their unaddressed needs. The Self-Determination Theory posits that to thrive and maximize their positive motivation, lawyers need to regularly experience (1) competence, (2) autonomy, (3) and relatedness to others. Researchers in Positive Psychology advocate the need for lawyers to experience positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment (often referred to as “PERMA.”) The National Task Force on Lawyer Well-Being of 2017 defined lawyer well-being as a continuous process whereby lawyers seek to thrive in each of the following areas: emotional health, occupational pursuits, creative or intellectual endeavors, sense of spirituality or greater purpose in life, physical health, and social connections with others. Common in all these theories is relatedness. [2, 3]
In pursuit of my thesis, I decided to test these theories with a qualitative study. I interviewed lawyers from AM Law 200 law firms, midsize law firms, small law firms, and a district attorney and a wellness administrator from an international law firm. They all agreed that lawyers are predisposed to pessimism and face challenges in work/life balance. Except for the district attorney, none of the lawyers could handily describe their meaning or purpose. All could describe moments of flow, when they were so engaged in their practice time seemed to evaporate. All could point to moments of positive emotion, whether it was a big trial victory or a deal accomplished. All agreed that relationships were a source for comfort, resilience, and shared responsibility.
When I interviewed lawyers, all their moments of joy connected to a relationship. Those at large and midsize law firms raised alarms about the danger of remote work; its impediment to associates building deep relationships with their colleagues. Associates and junior partners also languished because of the lack of client face time and the opportunity to build personal relationships with clients.
In retrospect, I never properly valued relationships in the success of my career. The relationships with my partners, associates, and staff gave me resilience in the face of adversity. The relationships with my clients gave me meaning and purpose. My wife and children gave me comfort and support. Are you properly leaning into relationships in your practice?
Leaning into relationships does not require radical change. It may mean prioritizing mentoring conversations, spending time with clients beyond the transaction, or cultivating trust within a trial team before crisis hits. In a profession wired for skepticism and independence, deliberately investing in relationships may be one of the most countercultural—and most impactful choices a lawyer can make.
SOURCES
1. Patrick R. Krill, Ryan Johnson, and Linda Albert, The Prevalence of Substance Use and Other Mental Health Concerns Among American Attorneys, J. Addict Med Vol. 10, No. 1 (Feb. 2016), https://journals.lww.com/journaladdictionmedicine/fulltext/2016/02000/the_prevalence_of_substance_use_and_other_mental.8.aspx; see also Substance Use Disorders Among Legal Professionals, Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation, Butler Center for Research (Mar. 2017), https://www.hazeldenbettyford.org/research-studies/addiction-research/substance-abuse-legal-professionals.
2. Lawrence S. Krieger and Kennon M. Sheldon, What Makes Lawyers Happy?: A Data-Driven Prescription to Redefine Professional Success, 83 George Washington Law Review 554, 564 (2015); see also Richard M. Ryan & Edward L. Deci, Self-Determination Theory and the Role of Basic Psychological Needs in Personality and the Organization of Behavior, Handbook of Personality: Theory & Research 654, 655–56 (Oliver P. Johns et al. eds., 3d ed. 2008).
3. Martin E.P. Seligman, Paul R. Verkuil, and Terry H.Kang, Why Lawyers are Unhappy, 10(1) Deakin Law Review 49, n. 7, https://summerland.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/journals/DeakinLawRw/2005/4.html; see also Martin E.P. Seligman, Authentic Happiness, Simon Element/Simon Acumen (2004); see also Martin E.P. Seligman and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Positive Psychology: An Introduction, 55 AM. PSYCHOLOGIST 5 (2000), https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0003-066X.55.1.5; see also Alison Stein Wellner and David Adox, Happy Days, Psychology Today, Vol. 32 (May 2002) (describing the overall goal of positive psychology as enhancement of our experience in love, work and play), https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200005/happy-days.
Ted Anderson is a 40-year trial lawyer and has been the managing partner of a litigation boutique for 20 years. He is a member of the American Board of Trial Advocates and the College of Labor and Employment Law. He is now a lawyer developmental coach.