The myth that half of all marriages today end in divorce is a throw-back to the 1980s, when the divorce rate was at its highest. Since then, the divorce rate has steadily dropped. Recent statistical analyses offer insight into the factors that indicate the likelihood of divorce – or happily ever after.
The Education Factor
The divorce rate for men with a high school degree or less is 39%. For women with a similar education level, the divorce rate is 37%. For people who have obtained at least a bachelor’s degree, the divorce rate drops to 28% for men and 29% for women.
The Race Factor
Native Americans have the highest divorce rate: 44% for men and 45% for women. Black Americans are next – the divorce rate in that community, according to relatively recent data, is about 42% for both men and women. Among white Americans, 36% of men and 38% of women divorce. Hispanic-Americans have an even lower divorce rate: 27% for men and 30% for women. Asian-Americans have the lowest divorce rate: 16% for men and 18% for women.
Reasons for Divorce
Every couple faces challenges, but just a handful of problems cause most divorces. These include:
• Marrying for the Wrong Reasons. Many people get divorced because their reasons for marrying never added up in the first place and/or because these reasons ultimately stopped inspiring progress and growth in the relationship.
• Losing Individual Identity. Married people who sacrifice or ignore their own interests often end up feeling as if they don’t know themselves. The resentment and other negative emotions that flow from this fundamental problem break down the relationship.
• Having Different Concepts of Success. For some people, success means acquiring a big house, an expensive car, fine clothes, country club memberships, boats and other worldly goods and social status. For others, success means security to travel freely and pursue artistic ambitions. Debates about the fundamentals of “a good life” – for instance, arguments over when or whether to have children – can lead to the end of a relationship.
• Dwindling Intimacy. Exhaustion from work, childcare, and other obligations can understandably have a negative impact on a couple’s intimacy. A lack of physical connection can degrade the couple’s sexual relationship, paving the way for dissatisfaction and divorce.
• Struggling to Resolve Conflicts. Couples who learn how to fight constructively – that is, who know how to resolve disputes effectively and let go of annoyances that are beyond control – tend to stay married longer than do couples who react in passive aggressive fashion or who hold grudges.
This may seem odd coming from a divorce lawyer…but there are many resources throughout the Twin Cities for those who are aiming to reconcile, or avoid divorce. Church groups, individual pastoral care, counseling, marriage courses, books and podcasts may be beneficial to you.