Has the past year (or 10) been incredibly difficult? If you’re going through a divorce or even just thinking about ending your marriage, you’re understandably overwhelmed. You probably have lots of big changes you want to make or have a super long list of things you need to do. The truth is, it’s unlikely you can make substantial progress in a short period of time. Why pressure yourself to move mountains right away?
Steady progress results from small steps toward a goal. You don’t have to do a lot to get stuff done. Here are a few small things you can do today that will help you feel more in control and closer to your end goal.
Let yourself grieve
Before you can move forward, you need to make peace with the past. You may not be able to forgive all the ways you’ve been wronged, nor may you be able to stop feeling hurt — but you can process those emotions and decide not to let them hold so much power over you. Acknowledge all you’ve been through. Validate your feelings. Try and release some of the heavy emotional baggage you’ve been carrying. You cannot control what others have done or may do, but you can control how you react to them. Don’t let the pain of what was prevent you from moving on.
Be honest with yourself
Being brutally honest with yourself about how you feel and what you want goes hand in hand with the above (grieving). Putting on a brave face might be the more obvious way to be strong, but the truth is that the bravest, strongest thing you can do is open yourself up to the truth and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Accepting and moving forward in your deepest truth is the only way to ensure you move toward the goals you truly want to achieve.
Create a checklist
List out every single thing you need to get done to move forward, just to put it all down — not because you need to start checking them all off. Lay it all out, from the procedural must-dos to the little things you simply want to get done. We have a list of things you need for your new beginning, which might be a good place to start.
Put your goals on a timeline
Now that you have your list, highlight the most important items and map them out on a timeline you hope to achieve them on. Don’t be too ambitious, though. This is simply to visualize a roadmap. Maybe instead of dates, you will simply put them in chronological order. You can also use our goal-setting worksheet for life post-divorce.
Talk to a financial planner
If money is a huge source of stress for you, scheduling a meeting with a financial planner who specializes in divorce can lift a huge weight off your shoulders and save you money in the long run. The solution to your financial woes might be easier than you’re thinking. Even if it’ll be a complicated process to solve them, getting real about your finances can keep all those what-ifs keeping you up at night under control.
Sign up / create an account
Maybe you aren’t quite ready to make your profile public on that dating app or attend a divorce support group meeting. But you can sign up or create a draft, and scope out your options and what others are contributing. You don’t need to actually “go live” with any of it until you’re ready. But setting yourself up to become involved without waiting on any new account or membership requirements will make hitting “go” a lot easier.
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