Divorce: Key Questions to Ask a Divorce Lawyer At Your First Meeting

Going through a divorce is one of the hardest decisions a person can face, and deciding to file for divorce is usually just the first of many decisions still to come.

Whether you’re only starting to explore whether divorce is the right answer for you, or you know you need a lawyer and are ready for your first meeting with a divorce lawyer, knowing which questions to ask makes the divorce process far less overwhelming.

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, 47,216 divorces were granted in Australia in 2024, with the crude divorce rate at 2.1 per 1,000 people, and the median marriage lasting 13.2 years. These divorce trends are actually at their lowest point since the Family Law Act was introduced fifty years ago, so if you’ve been told the divorce rate is higher than ever, that’s not quite accurate. 

Behind every one of those numbers is a couple who had to find a law firm, sit through an initial consultation, and work out exactly what to ask a family lawyer.

This guide walks through the important divorce questions you should ask at a meeting with a divorce lawyer, organised around the areas that matter most in an Australian divorce.

This article is general information only and does not constitute legal advice. For advice tailored to your circumstances, book a consultation with our team.

Before You File: Is Divorce the Right Answer?

Not everyone who books an initial consultation has fully decided. If you’re still weighing things up, it’s worth pausing here first.

A few honest questions can help clarify things before you commit to a complicated divorce process: What does my spouse actually need from me right now, and have I genuinely tried to provide it? Is this decision a knee-jerk reaction, or a considered conclusion? 

Are you more worried about the present, the past, or the future, and is there still something that could save your marriage if it’s addressed directly?

Top researchers on relationships have studied these questions closely. John Gottman is one of the most cited names in this field, and social researcher Shaunti Feldhahn has also written extensively on what tends to predict whether a marriage can be saved. Many family lawyers will gently ask whether you’ve tried marriage counselling, or whether you’d consider attending a marriage intensive with a qualified marriage therapist, before proceeding.

Faith can also factor into this decision for some couples. Faith-based resources sometimes present differing views, some hold that, in their understanding of god’s plan for marriage, god intended marriage to be lifelong and divorce is permissible only in specific circumstances, while others take the view that it’s clear god hates divorce in the sense that ending a marriage should be a last resort. 

If this is part of how you’re weighing the decision, it’s worth exploring alongside, not instead of, legal advice. These questions will help you approach the decision with more clarity either way.

There’s no wrong answer here, the point is simply to seek answers and get expert advice, legal and otherwise, before you commit. If you’re confident divorce is the right answer, a lawyer’s job is to help you get through the divorce proceedings as smoothly as possible.

What Are the Grounds for Divorce in Australia?

Once you’ve decided divorce is the right path, it helps to understand what the law requires. Australia operates under a no-fault divorce system, so the only ground for divorce is that the marriage has broken down irretrievably, shown by separation for at least 12 months.

Neither party needs to prove fault or wrongdoing, and the court won’t ask who caused the breakdown. You don’t need to build a case against your spouse to be granted a divorce.

1. What Is Your Approach to Divorce Proceedings?

Some lawyers push straight toward litigation, others prioritise negotiation and mediation wherever possible. Ask your lawyer directly which they favour, and how they decide when a matter needs to go before the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia rather than being resolved out of court.

A lawyer who can explain both paths, and who tailors the approach to your situation rather than defaulting to one style, is generally a good sign you’ve found the right family lawyer.

Questions to ask:

• Do you generally recommend mediation before litigation?
• How do you decide which approach suits my case?
• What would your first three steps be in my matter?

2. How Will You Communicate With Me During the Divorce Process?

Divorce proceedings can drag on for months, and poor communication from your lawyer only adds to the stress of going through a divorce.

Ask how quickly they typically respond to calls and emails, who you’ll actually be dealing with day to day, and whether you’ll get a single point of contact, for example, a principal solicitor like Hayder Shkara or a member of the wider team such as Caralee Fontenele, or whether your file gets passed around.

Questions to ask:

• Who will be my main point of contact?
• What’s your usual turnaround time for emails and calls?
• How often will I receive updates on my case?

3. What Is Your Experience With Complicated Divorce Cases?

Not every divorce is the same. Some involve straightforward asset division, others involve complex property structures, businesses, or contested parenting arrangements. A complicated divorce needs a lawyer who has handled one before.

Ask about the lawyer’s track record with cases similar to yours, and how confident they feel about the likely outcome given what you’ve told them so far.

4. What Are the Costs Involved, and How Do You Structure Fees?

This is one of the most important questions, and one of the most commonly avoided. Get clarity on the firm’s fee structure: hourly rates, whether a fixed fee is available, what’s included in an initial retainer, and what could trigger additional costs, for example, if the matter becomes contested or goes to court.

Questions to ask:

• Do you charge hourly, or is a fixed fee available?
• What’s included in the initial retainer?
• What could cause costs to increase significantly?

5. What Outcome Can I Realistically Expect After This Initial Consultation?

A good lawyer won’t promise a specific result, but by the end of your consultation they should set realistic expectations based on the facts of your case, relevant legislation, and how similar matters have played out. Be wary of anyone who guarantees an outcome, family law decisions depend on many factors, including judicial discretion.

6. How Will Property Be Divided Between Spouses?

Property settlement questions, sometimes called property division, come up in almost every divorce, especially when one spouse owns significantly more than the other going into the relationship. Any law office handling family law matters should walk you through this clearly.

Ask what’s considered a shared asset, how assets each of you owned at the beginning of your relationship are treated, and how debts are split.

If you own the property and your ex-partner has been paying rent or contributing financially, it’s worth understanding how that might affect your protections. This also matters in de facto relationships, many people are surprised by what a partner may be entitled to claim against a property they don’t legally own.

It’s also worth checking practical details you might not think to ask about, such as whether the insurance on your home, car, or contents is actually in your name, since this can affect cover during and after separation.

Questions to ask:

• What assets and debts will be considered part of the property pool?
• How are assets one spouse owned before the relationship is treated?
• What’s the likely timeline for a property settlement?

7. How Are Child Custody and Parenting Arrangements Decided?

If you have children, this will likely be the most emotionally charged part of the process. These are some of the questions you should ask about child custody specifically: how parenting arrangements are typically decided, what the court considers when assessing a child’s best interests, and how disagreements like whether one parent can enrol a child in school without the other’s permission, or change a child’s school without the other parent’s consent, are usually resolved.

Questions to ask:

• How is a parenting arrangement typically negotiated or ordered?
• What happens if we disagree on schooling or medical decisions?
• How is child support calculated, and how does that interact with parenting time?

For an official explanation of how child support is assessed, the Services Australia child support guide is a useful independent reference.

8. Can You Assist With Mediation and Dispute Resolution?

Many matters can be resolved through family dispute resolution before ever reaching court, which is usually faster and less costly than a complicated divorce fought through the courts. 

Agreements reached this way can often be formalised through consent orders, making them legally binding without a contested hearing.

Ask whether your lawyer supports this process directly, and whether they can refer you to a mediator if needed. Services like Legal Aid NSW’s family dispute resolution program can also help if cost is a concern.

9. How Do I Actually File for Divorce?

Separate from property and parenting matters, there’s the formal divorce application itself, governed by Australian divorce law under the Family Law Act.

Ask your lawyer to walk you through the eligibility requirements, such as the 12-month separation period, the filing process, and what a finalised divorce order actually means for you. 

You can also review the official process through the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia’s guide to applying for divorce.

Timing is often one of the first practical questions people ask. Once an application is filed and accepted, a hearing date is set, and if everything is in order, the divorce order becomes final one month and one day after the hearing, not immediately.

10. What Happens to My Name, and Other Administrative Details?

It’s easy to overlook the practical, administrative side of divorce. If you’re planning to revert to your former surname, our guide on how to change back to your maiden name covers the general process. 

It’s also worth asking about updating your will, insurance policies, and superannuation nominations once the divorce is finalised.

11. What If I Forget to Ask Something?

Asking the right questions the first time isn’t always possible, a good family lawyer won’t expect you to arrive with a perfect list of questions.

Ask whether there’s a follow-up consultation or a way to raise questions as they come up during the divorce process, so nothing falls through the cracks later.

Other Matters a Family Lawyer Can Help With

Family law issues aren’t always confined to the divorce itself. Depending on your circumstances, your lawyer may also advise on related issues, for instance, questions around privacy, income, and platforms like OnlyFans in the context of a family law dispute.

If a question feels outside the scope of a “typical” divorce, it’s still worth raising with your law firm.

Getting Support Beyond Your Lawyer

Divorce is a legal process, but it’s also a deeply personal one. Alongside legal advice, it’s worth getting tips on how to cope with a break-up more broadly, since the emotional and practical sides of separation move at different speeds. 

If you need broader support, services like Relationships Australia offer counselling that can complement the legal side of things. For the legal side, Collective Family Law Group is here to help.

Frequently Asked Questions