CANADA:  The jailhouse wallet is used once again.  An Ottawa man was sentenced recently to two years in prison for breaking into a jail with a “buttload” of illegal drugs. Damian O’Reilly, 20, was apprehended for smuggling marijuana, matches, tobacco and rolling papers into the Ottawa Wa-Carleton Detention Center last year. Jail authorities discovered that O’Reilly was hiding the contraband inside eight Kinder Surprise chocolate eggs stuffed in his rectum.

FLORIDA:  Young love, dumb love! A teenager allegedly stole his uncle’s police uniform and wore it to impress a girl – but he ended up in jail. Isael Lima, 18, of the town of Bellview was charged with impersonating an officer after taking his uncle’s uniform and patrol car and having a friend film him during a traffic stop, according to police.

FLORIDA: He should have googled “How not to get caught.” Police report that William Johnson, 26, told them that he used Google to search for ways “to rob a bank.” Mr. Johnson ended up going the old-fashioned route. That is, he pulled a pistol on the teller at a Pinellas park bank. He made off with a small amount of cash but was soon caught.

FLORIDA: Naked fruit eating burglar? A Jacksonville woman recently returned home to find a naked stranger eating canned pineapple in her kitchen. The woman, Mary Hamilton, 63, allegedly strolled into the house through an unlocked door, peeled off her clothes and opened a can of fruit. Police arrested her and she was charged with burglary and theft.

GEORGIA: She acted like real witch! Police asked Irene Handy, 66, to remove a large banner on her home in the town of Lilburn after her neighbors complained. Instead of taking the banner down the senior citizen allegedly doused a broom with kerosene, set it afire and lunged at the officers. She was promptly arrested and charged with aggravated assault on a peace officer. We have not learned what the banner promoted.

FLORIDA:  Young love, dumb love! A teenager allegedly stole his uncle’s police uniform and wore it to impress a girl – but he ended up in jail. Isael Lima, 18, of the town of Bellview was charged with impersonating an officer after taking his uncle’s uniform and patrol car and having a friend film him during a traffic stop, according to police.

FLORIDA: He should have googled “How not to get caught.” Police report that William Johnson, 26, told them that he used Google to search for ways “to rob a bank.” Mr. Johnson ended up going the old-fashioned route. That is, he pulled a pistol on the teller at a Pinellas park bank. He made off with a small amount of cash but was soon caught.

FLORIDA: Naked fruit eating burglar? A Jacksonville woman recently returned home to find a naked stranger eating canned pineapple in her kitchen. The woman, Mary Hamilton, 63, allegedly strolled into the house through an unlocked door, peeled off her clothes and opened a can of fruit. Police arrested her and she was charged with burglary and theft.

GEORGIA: She acted like real witch! Police asked Irene Handy, 66, to remove a large banner on her home in the town of Lilburn after her neighbors complained. Instead of taking the banner down the senior citizen allegedly doused a broom with kerosene, set it afire and lunged at the officers. She was promptly arrested and charged with aggravated assault on a peace officer. We have not learned what the banner promoted.