BRAZIL: The best bank rubber mask yet, but to no avail. A thief donned an amazingly lifelike old-man disguise during a bank robbery in mid-August 2019 and might have gotten away with it if he had not fallen out of a window and breaking his leg. The bandit identified only as a former employee of the bank, brandished a plastic gun and attempted to take hostages. During the heist in the state of Santa Catarina,…

FLORIDA: “Urine for some jail time,” read the headline. A man was arrested recently for spraying a woman and her dog with a squirt gun full of his own urine. Why? Because he was mad owners had failed to clean up after their dogs. Joel Benjamin, 71, allegedly unleased the attack on 50-year-old woman near his apartment complex in the town of Gulfport, according to the police report. INDIA: Snakes and other critters on a…

PENNSYLVANIA: You can’t bring that thing on a plane! A passenger – identified only as being from St. Augustine, Florida – set off alarms in early March 2019, trying to fly from Allentown to Orlando. When stopped, the man said he thought that his unassembled grenade launcher would be legal if he had it in his checked suitcase and wasn’t in his carry on. Nope – No grenade launchers anywhere on a plane. CANADA: JOKER?…

TENNESSEE: Penis envy, maybe? A woman received a notice from her homeowners’ association that she was being fined because the tires of her car created an image in the snow that looked to her neighbors like a penis. The woman who did not wish to reveal her name, wrote back saying she could not control the shape her tires make. The association quickly backed down. AUSTRALIA: Blowing in the wind? It has been reported that…

NORTH CAROLINA: Marriage Fraud? A woman and a man were down on their luck in Granville County, when a motorist pulled over and asked the woman to marry him, authorities said. The proposal came from a noncitizen from the former Soviet Republic of Georgia looking to “buy” permanent residency in the U.S. via a sham marriage, so he offered the couple $12,000. She accepted and tied the knot – but now Immigration officials have arrested…

ALABAMA: “Crabby food fight,” read the headline. A buffet restaurant turned into a brawl-you-can-eat when diners battled over — crab legs. Buffet-line delays at the Meteor restaurant in Huntsville in late-February 2019, led to customers fighting with tongs and plates, police said. Two diners Chequita Jenkins and John Chapman face misdemeanor charges. NEW YORK CITY: Statue of Liberty climber seeks liberty! The immigrant rights activist convicted of climbing the Statue of Liberty on July 4,…

INDIANA: “This adds insult to injury,” read the headline. We learn a man who shot himself in his genitals may face jail time because he didn’t have a license to carry the gun. Mark Jones, 46, was out for a morning stroll in Marion when the 9mm handgun, which was not in a holster, slipped out of his waistband, police said. The pistol-packer reached down to adjust his weapon and blasted his beans and frank.…