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CANADA:  The jailhouse wallet is used once again.  An Ottawa man was sentenced recently to two years in prison for breaking into a jail with a “buttload” of illegal drugs. Damian O’Reilly, 20, was apprehended for smuggling marijuana, matches, tobacco and rolling papers into the Ottawa Wa-Carleton Detention Center last year. Jail authorities discovered that O’Reilly was hiding the contraband inside eight Kinder Surprise chocolate eggs stuffed in his rectum. FLORIDA:  Young love, dumb love!…
SOUTH KOREA: OUCH!! It has been reported that woman allegedly cut off her husband’s penis because he spent too much time playing golf. The woman who lives in the town of Yeosu, reportedly attacked the 50-year-old man with a kitchen knife as he slept and flushed the member down the toilet. Police say that the wife confessed to the crime with the excuse that her husband ignores her and left her broke. WISCONSIN: One can…
GERMANY: Water, water everywhere and none to drink? A man left his faucet and toilet running continuously for at least a year, using 1.85 million gallons of water and causing “massive damage” to his Salzgitter apartment building. His apartment manager called police in late autumn after the water began leaking into other apartments. When police arrived, the alleged so called  “hydro-maniac” had to be subdued with pepper spray and was taken in for a psychiatric…
AUSTRIA: Burqa Ban? A man in a shark costume was given a fine for covering his face. The worker was dressed as a mascot outside the McShark Computer shop in Vienna, when he was asked by police to remove the shark head. He refused, explaining “I’m just doing my job,” according to a report, and was fined $176. It appears that Austria has a strict ban against burqa wearing and anyone else who covers their…
WISCONSIN:  Heard the one about the drunk man who walked into… It appears from a police report that an alleged drunk driver walked into a phone store – and asked to be served chicken. The strange request inside an ATT&T store in the town of Mount Pleasant, led police to track down Fernando Zamora, 54, of Kenosha, in his Cadillac, officials report. Zamora admitted he had taken Xanax and Adderall earlier in the day –…
NEBRASKA: ZOOM, ZOOM! Call in air support. Nebraska State Highway Patrol Troopers in Omaha, after clocking a 28-year-old motorcyclist going 146 mph, radioed a nearby State patrol airplane, whose pilot helped troopers on the ground to stop and arrest the daredevil, police report. NEVADA: Do not grow your pot in the windows. Lawrence Arellianes was arrested after Las Vega police spotted marijuana plants on display in his window, officials said. Arellianes did not have a…
MAINE:  Ho, ho, ho, no, no… Police had to chase an alleged car thief who called himself “Santa Claus.” Maine police had chased the man for 50 miles, at speeds reaching 112 mph, before they deployed spike strips in the town of Newburgh and finally nabbed the driver they later identified as Christos Kassaras, 54, of Golfstown, New Hampshire – not “Santa Claus.” LOUISIANA: IDIOT! A man ditched by his friends on the side of…
FLORIDA:  Crash, Bang… A Florida man had hidden himself from police in the drywall above a shower, that is, until it gave way and he came crashing onto the bathroom floor. The man who had several felony convictions on his record was being chased by police when he bolted into a woman’s apartment in Winter Haven, sparking a search with a police dog. He was arrested on the bathroom floor and taken into custody. FLORIDA: …
FLORIDA: A terrible shot in the groin! We learn that a Florida man could be jailed for accidentally shooting himself in the penis. Cedrick Jelks, 38, of Jacksonville, ran to the bathroom of a stranger’s home after he sat on his gun in his car and the gun went off. The homeowner followed Jelks, saw that he was wounded, and took him to a hospital where he underwent surgery. Jelks, we learn, may now face…
I hope all my readers have a wonderful New Year in 2019!! PENNSYLVANIA: They called him a “Thumbskull.” It appears that Michael Rohana, 24, a guest at a Philly museum’s “Ugly Sweater Party” in December of last year, is accused of stealing the left thumb from a $4.5 million ancient statue. Rohana snapped off the thumb of a life-sized terracotta warrior on loan from China after slipping into a closed Franklin Institute exhibit, police said.…