“What is the one piece of advice you’d offer that will improve any conversation we might have today?”
I was wrapping up an interview on “how to have better conversations.” It had not been great.
“Be curious,” was my guest’s instant reply.
I’d been going back and forth with this guest for twenty-nine minutes. In that final moment I realized I had screwed up. This is where I should have started.
It is the key to life. long exploration…to a perpetual quest to understand.
I was young, and pretty sure I was on the road to stardom. It turns out, I was missing something important — I wasn’t very curious.
I’ve reflected on that experience hundreds, maybe thousands of times over the past 30+ years. And years later the renowned human interaction expert, Ted Lasso added an exclamation point when he used a line attributed to Walt Whitman. Be curious, not judgmental.
It’s In Our Genes
Virtually every one of us has the curiosity gene. We were born with it. It’s the instinct to explore. A sense that there is more to discover.
. We learn the language quickly. Why? When? How? Why not? What if?
It is a defining characteristic of growth as a person.
But along the way we learn the consequences of curiosity. Call it the don’t-touch-a-hot-stove effect.
And just like that, we come face to face with the complexities of life. Over time, curiosity’s questions don’t come as quickly as they used to.
The counterpoint Whitman refers to — the temptation to be “judgmental” — begins to chip away at our curious nature.
Hang On To Curiosity
Don’t get me wrong. The fact that actions have consequences is a critical lesson. The irony is that it is a lesson we learn thanks to our curiosity.
What I’m proposing is that the older we get the lesson we need to learn is how to hold tight to childlike curiosity. I
Childlike curiosity always senses there is more to every story.
It drives us to keep exploring, to keep opening doors.
It is our hedge against ceasing to live before we die.
And while there is always the danger that we’ll happen upon a hot stove, the wound is rarely a match for the joy resident in a lifetime of exploration.
If we are able to hold on, to lead with curiosity, we’ll be able to approach any experience…any conversation (even a radio interview), being less judgmental. And eager to see what else we might learn about our adventure.